Lately I have been having conversations about relationships and what can happen in that territory. The thought has been floating around that there can be a tendency to forget about self, who am I, and what do I want.

It's sounds like this can manifest in good, medium and bad relationships. Each of these types of relationships could likely get their own piece of analyzing.

I'm contemplating what happens when you are in a good relationship, are comfortable with yourself and where you are in life. Part of my joy at being in a relationship is the melding and merging. I take care of the part of myself that I want to keep strong. Maybe its important to keep it seperate in some way? Some aspects of me have softened-I don't see that as losing anything, I see it as a happy evolution. I now practice taming the need to be in charge, most days. Other areas have developed, and become stronger with nurturing and support of another, confidence has been built. I now handle power tools quite adequately, thank you very much. I have expanding parts of me that had yet to be tapped. Looking a little deeper at emotions, trying new things.

The harder I try to hold on to who I was, the more apparent it becomes that its no longer who I am. And its okay.

It doesn't feel bad, degrating or demeaning. It feels exciting to know that its all about me, some of him, and alot of us. 

 

So I turn 39, the last year of my 30's.

I have to say I'm excited for 40. I'm thrilled that I am where I am. Mentally, spiritualy, and physically. Must be that practicing  acceptance (:

I find it interesting that I'm feeling sadness around leaving my 30's.

Goodbye 30, my old friend, we were good together. Not to say that we didn't have our battles, but I feel like I truly have begun to embrace all of me. A few lines, grey hairs, long toes. Oh, and then the harder ones, laughing at myself, giggling at the feelings that used to mortify me, understanding a little more.

I love that my simple meditation practice now comes naturally each day. I roll my eyes at myself, sigh and move on. I have a handle on what foods and beverages work for me and what needs to be need in moderation. And forgive when it doesn't happen.

Goodbye 30's. Thank you for the goodtimes, I have appreciated them very much.

And 40's, until next year, I do look forward to meeting you.

For this last year, I will savour and enjoy all that I have become.  

  

Last Sunday I was in the Coho run. A beautiful route from Kits beach, over Burrard bridge,through Stanley Park and over the Lions gate. Stunning scenery tends to make me ponder.

Pushing myself to make better time on the downward side of the Lions Gate bridge, I thought back to the route and the hills I had felt strong on, felt I had taken them at a decent pace.

What did I do to train for this run? Took lots of hard hills, worked on speed, pushed myself when I had the strength, endurance, and perserverance.

Crossing the Lions Gate bridge the North Shore was showing it's best, early morning sun, coming out of the green of the park, shining water beneath me, gorgeous mountains in front of me. In that moment of clarity I realized that living a perfect life would be much the same as training for this run.

In life do I coast when the going is easy? Yes. Do I push myself during those times when I have the strength and perserverance. Maybe not often enough. If I made the most of the down time, the calm times, to practice life's lessons, the better habits, reminding myself to bring the calm, be in the now....then when the poop hits the fan perhaps I'd be more at the ready. I might be able to cruise up the long hills a little easier, and still enjoy the scenery on the down hills.